To The Future

Dear future me, here is a list of what you should be doing, have done, or at least trying to do in 5 to 10 years time down the road. I wanna write it down on paper but it's the 21st century already. Also, don't delete this blog, even if you don't ever wanna blog again, just leave it dead.

• By now you should be earning your own monies already. If you're still feeding on mother's money, then shame on you. 

• Never work for the government except if you're teaching then that's fine. Do not fall into the hands of the corporate world

• If you're ever in love, in a relationship or getting married, make sure he has a mustache or beard or at least a stubble. 'Cause beards and mustaches are cool. If he doesn't have one, ask him to grow one. If he doesn't want to, then he's not the one.

• Get out of Singapore at least once.

• You're still drawing and painting and at least have sold one artwork.

• You're still playing music. At least have an improvement on the piano, yes?

• You're still rocking out to Avenged Sevenfold and still go for gigs.

• Listen to more folk music

• Do not sell your soul to the pop culture.

• If you're listening to KPOP, go kill yourself.

• You're number one priority is your mother. If you're ever moving out, at least visit her once a week, talk to her everyday even if it's for a minute, ask how she is. Remember, she has been with you since day one even when things get fucked up. Make sure she has a roof above her head.

• If you ever made up with father, good for you. But never rely on him. And if you haven't, do not keep grudges. It's rots up your heart. Forgive him and thank him for leaving. 'Cause you've learn't how hard life can be.

• You're cooking your own dinner

• Always be humble.

• Never lose your faith in god.

• You're doing what you love to do

Never ever ever, lose yourself. Do not stray to far from your roots. Be who you want to be and follow your heart, nothing will ever go wrong. Be yourself, even if you don't fit in, it's fine not to be common.

And if nothing good is happening for you, don't lose faith. 

This world is only temporary.

Been wanting to blog about this but i kept putting it on hold just 'cause it's a sensitive topic.
So here it goes.

The thing about long bus rides is that it gets me thinking.
Things that have been happening, things that have happened in the past and of what will happen in the future.
But the other the day i teared up in the bus because of one topic that have been haunting me.
The one thing that i think about everyday. And like most nights, i'll end up tearing because of this one thing.
The one thing that guilts every second of my existence on this Earth. The one thing that i've been neglecting.

Everyday i see people complaining about not having any girlfriend/boyfriend.
Everyday i see people talking about their ideal partner.
It makes me sick.

But everyday i question my relationship with God.
Everyday i am ashamed of calling myself a Muslim.

I'm too caught up with this world that i've forgotten about the consequence in the afterlife.
Everyday i ask myself, when will i ever repent.
I want a change. I need a change. For the better.
But there are things that i can't let go of.
And it kills me.

I have been wanting to observe the hijab but i don't feel like i deserve it.
Because of my past; the things i've done.
And of who i am now.

To me, a hijab is not a piece of cloth that you can just wear and then ditch it when you don't feel like wearing it anymore.
A hijab means more than that. I've seen plenty of girls do that and it makes me sick.
And when they're asked why, it's always the same answer. "I haven't found myself or i'm not ready".
To be honest, that's fucking bullshit.

If you haven't found yourself or if you're not ready, then why the hell did you wear it in the first place?!
A hijab is not to be worn halfheartedly.
I'm sorry but you only wore it as a fashion statement.
My mother always say, If you stop wearing hijab it's equivalent to you being naked.

I know i'm not one to talk about religion and God.
But ask yourself the same question.
I admit that i am ashamed of myself. Are you?

I guess that answers it.
We're too selfish and stubborn to admit our mistakes.
We indulge ourselves in the pleasure of this world that we forget the one God who created us.
Everyday we neglect his existence and instead, we create and worship the god created by man.

But hey, what is life without FAME, MONEY and SEX, right?!
Ignorance is bliss, no?

Fuck you.

Slowly but surely, i'm changing.