Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
Honey you know, you know I'd never hurt you that way
- The Last Song I'm Wasting On You - Evanescence


Howdy! I haven't been posting that much lately. I was too occupied with sleeping that i didn't have the time to blog. :) But i've been well. School was fine. Gotten back two papers. I must say, i'm not really satisfied with my marks. Oh, and coincidentally, I get the same marks with Asy' ari for both paper. Wierd.

Ok so, here comes the updates. Tuesday, we had our Social Studies paper. And that was the first time, i really did it with long answers. Usually my answers would be 3 to 4 lines for a 5 marks question. This time around i wrote about 8 to 9 lines. :) And i did my very best for the paper. So yeah, i'm hoping to pass this time around. I've never pass Social Studies ever in my sec 3 life. :)

I love Thursday. But P.E, was fucking bored. I only to got to watch them play floorball. But, we played during our reccess. And it was fucking fun lah sey! I scored a few goals at first. and Mr Wong kept praising me. And i was like," Now look who i am!" I don't like him sometimes. He like to "sindir" orang. He kept repeating that we didn't run after the ball. That was during P.E lah. And i showed him that i can run after the ball. And i swore his jaw was wide open. :D

After school, we went jamming. Only the 4 of us. Khalil, Me, Adil & Suzi. Nuyul wanted to follow us but had something else to attend to. So yeah, only the 4 of us. It used to be 5 but.... I don't wanna talk about it. :) We manage to finish the whole song of I won't see you tonight by Avenged Sevenfold. Yes, the whole song. The "oh so intricate" SOLOS, vocals, drums and of couse the rhythms. And we were fucking satisfied lah seh! I swore i almost got my fingers cut from all of the "repeating" trying to get the song right. Try imagining you playing a solo piece over and over again. Sliding up and down the fret on those thin and "sharp" strings. I'm telling you, it never felt so good. :)

We walked home from Simei to Tampines. And there was this part that i did on the road to tampines that Khalil and Zi laughed their pants off. Funny ok! I wished we recorded it. Gah! We talked alot of things. From band jamming to gigs to making an album and to making a video. When we kinda get excited, we start to exaggerate. From making a video to planning how or what should each of us do in the video. HAHA! Khalil macam sial sak! You should have seen him! That guy was fucking hilarious. Overall, Gerek! :)

Friday, we get back two papers back. Maths and English. I'm not spilling it out right now. I'm waiting for the report card. :)

Oh yeah, one more last thing. watch the video! He got the knock out at a gig. Poor Brendon Urie.



I guess some people must have hated them. Pathetic!


Happy Stalking!
.e.n.d.

So, yeah.

Howdy! I don't know what had happened to me on the previous post. Maybe i was too depressed with things around me. To tell you the truth, i cried in class, twice, just now. Silently of couse. I don't know what happened to me. Suddenly tears start running out. I was alone at the fornt and the others were at the back of the class, doing god-knows-what. So, there wasn't any commotions. That's what i want. But i swore i didn't do it purposely. Literally!

So yeah, i was stuck at the fornt of the class the whole day. And it sucks. I can't sleep and I have to cover my ears everytime Mr Sim talks. Damn! He kept on shouting and he was beside me all the time and it's fucking anoying + making me deaf.

Oh yeah, about the english paper. It went well, for a start. If i may say so. 'Cause you'll never know what will happen tomorrow. Oh, it's the Social Studies paper tomorrow. And i can never pass that paper. Every class test and even the Mid Years, i always get a one digit number. Gah!

Oh wait, know any place that sells great books? I need a new book. I'm done reading these two books and i'm in need of a new one. I know there's Times. But... Nevermind. So yeah, tag it or tell me by any method there is. :)

Oh and thanks to Ali or in a repected way, Abang Ali, for not saving my number! Haiyo! :)



Happy Stalking!
.e.n.d.

Am i sad or happy? You do the thoughts.

"I want to be there when you're happy
I want to love you when you're sad
Can't stand the morning rain?
Get out I'll take your place then
Can't stand the blazing sun?
Then close your eyes you'll see
The angel dust"
- Tarantula - Smashing Pumpkins

I hate it when i'm moody. People around me get affected and hate me. All i can remember is that i use to be a quiet girl that keep herself in her room all day, afraid to go out to face the world. Ever since i know these people, everything seems to change. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm this loud, chatty girl and i'm not this shy girl that i used to be. Then right now, I just break down and cry. Not knowing what i'm crying for.

I don't know whether it's about SingFest or is it just my mood swings or my father or am i just crazy. I suddenly feel like breaking down and just giving up my life. Like how i used to be. I know you guys would be like, "go talk to your mother about it. maybe you will feel better." No! i will not be better. I don't talk to my mother about my problem. She too busy working just to feed us. I'm not that kinda girl that treat my mother like my best friend. Like talking about my problems in school, or that boy who is stalking me. No, i don't do that. I'm used to keeping it inside of me. But now, it's hard to be that way again.

You know, i thought i WOULD be ok giving up my tickets. But now, it's just so hard to believe that i'm not going to the fest. I know i'm doing this for my mother but... It's hard to explain it here. That's another thing. The other thing is the common test. Why must we be in school? Why can't we be born as geniuses? I know i have no rights to say that but think about it. Why must we be lectured by our teachers about our behaviours. Why do teachers have to know that my parents are divorce and that i have to be thankful that i was given an opportunity to go to school? And why do teachers have to shout at me out of the class just to make it clear that my parents are divorced and i still have to study? Do you know how stressing it is to cope with my studies where i'm facing problems at home? I know that you're trying to make me study. But it's just isn't working, Miss Hamidah. Maybe it's because that you reminded me of my dad. I was never related to that man! Now stop telling me that he still care about me. 'Cause he don't.

It's hard just to see other families so happy together. Sure i can have anything in the world. But i can never get a happy family. Kids go out with thier families on holidays where i'm glued at home because my mom have to work. It's just isn't fair! Why me?! Why can't it be some filthy rich kid's parents? WHY ME?! Why do i have to feel jealous towards other people live? Why do i have to be the one that feels so left out whenever my friends talk about their father or their family? Why do i have to pretend that i am alright outside but all torn up inside? Why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Madden & Baby

Thank you for making me feel better, guys.
And thank you for understanding my feelings.
If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't know who
to turn to. You guys are really good friends to
me. Without you guys, i wouldn't be all loud
and annoying. :) Thank you for being there
for me.
I love you guys. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To A.keys

A.keys, I want you to get better ok? I miss
having conversations with you. Come back to
school soon ok? Thanks for the offer though.
But no thanks. Don't get me wrong. :)
Oh, and i love you too. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Stalking!
.e.n.d.

gerek-est, bestest, greatest brother in the whole wide world!

"So here I am pacing around this house again
With pictures of us living on these walls
I see my breath in the cold of the air that I breathe
And I'm wondering
I'm wondering if it's you that I feel
If its you that I feel here haunting me forever"
- Ghost Of You - Good Charlotte

Howdy! I have made my mind. Yes, i have made up my mind. I am not going to SingFest. BUT, i'm OK with that. I told my brother to give the money to my mother. And i swore i almost cried when i told my brother that i didn't want to go to the SingFest.

Yeah, I cried. But alittle. :) My brother apologised to me that i could not go to SingFest, but i said that it was ok. I didn't want to go either. It's too expensive. Besides, there may be a chance that they might come back to Singapore and have a show. :)

He told me that he would like to make it up for me. He asked me what i wanted instead. So i said that i was waiting for their newest album to be released. He wanted to buy me the album but i said no at first. 'Cause i wanted to buy it with my own money. But he said that it's ok, he will buy it for me and i can use the money that i have collected for my jamming. Damn! Should have asked for an electric guitar! :)

So yeah, he also promised me that he will pay for me the tickets to any conserts that i want to go. PLUS, he will tag along. Yes ar, now i can drag him to metal/rock concerts. Let's face it, he dragged me to a few hip hop shows before. So now is his turn. (*sinister grin*)

He is the gerek-est, bestest, greatest brother in the whole wide world! :) And i bet you're jealous. :P

Ok lar, eventhough i couldn't see AVENGED SEVENFOLD live, I can still stalk them, right? Right... Now go away. :)


Happy Stalking!
.gerek-est.

to go Or not to go?

Howdy! I got a question to ask. Would you sacrifice the money for the tickets to SingFest and give it to your mom or take the money and watch Avenged Sevenfold live?

You see, it's a new month and my father is suppose to send us, what we call it "monthly" money. But he haven't send it and it'a already the 5th. On the other hand, my brother is also suppose to give my mother money for the bills and whatsoever. But he brought this new bike and he has his own bills to pay and my SingFest tickets. So he told my mother to wait until he gets money from his performance.

But my mother can't wait any longer 'cause she's short of money and needed money for the bills. And she has been nagging at me about my dad and my brother of not giving her money on time and she hates that.

So right now, i am willing to sacrifice the tickets(i think so) and give my mother the money. But on the other hand, is Avenged Sevenfold. I repeat, Avenged Sevenfold. AVENGED SEVENFOLD lah sey! The only band i LOVE like crazy. The band i kinda grow up with. The band that i love like the way i used to love my father. A love that's indescribable. Yes, I gave them that kinda love. And it's really a waste if i miss this one and only show. Come on, It's AVENGED SEVENFOLD. AVENGED SEVENFOLD lah sey! I have been listening to them since i was in primary school. And it will be a waste waiting for them for all these years.

Now i need your opinion. Should i go or should i not go...


Happy Stalking!
.h.e.l.p.m.e.