Look down on me for all i care.
It's ok.
Just 'cause your life is easy right now, don't think it will stay the same forever.
Know that God is always watching and could take everything you have in a blink of an eye.
I know i haven't been blessed with an easy life.
But just you wait and see.
Always is, never was
Showing posts with label TeenageAngst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TeenageAngst. Show all posts
Friday, November 18, 2011
You know what?
I don't think i will ever succeed in life.
I don't think i will ever get to see my mother happy.
I will never get to be what i want to be.
Or move to Europe.
Forget Europe, i don't even think i will be able to live a simple and easy life, ever.
All my life I've been facing problems after problems.
Family, home, school.
And i'm tired of fighting my feelings.
For once, i just wanna be happy.
I'm not asking for much.
Just a simple life.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
It's amazing how yesterday i was at my highest high and today, i'm at my lowest low.
And it's all because of the people around me.
You made me broke down. Literally made me cry like i haven't in a million years.
All because of who i am.
I know i'm not perfect, i'm not pretty, i don't smile all the time, i'm fat, i'm worthless.
I know that. Can you people just let me be?
I was happy with who i am.
But now, i'm fighting myself.
"Never judge a book by it's cover"
"What matter most is the inside not the outside"
These are merely words people use carelessly.
I guess human beings are best at judging people.
And it's all because of the people around me.
You made me broke down. Literally made me cry like i haven't in a million years.
All because of who i am.
I know i'm not perfect, i'm not pretty, i don't smile all the time, i'm fat, i'm worthless.
I know that. Can you people just let me be?
I was happy with who i am.
But now, i'm fighting myself.
"Never judge a book by it's cover"
"What matter most is the inside not the outside"
These are merely words people use carelessly.
I guess human beings are best at judging people.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Why?
Why do we hate?
Why do you have the need to impress people?
Why do you have to need to change?
Why do our race and religion defines who we are?
Why do we judge?
Why are we so obsessed?
Why do you have to the need to become popular?
Why do you need so many friends?
Why are you afraid of living your life alone?
Why do you have the need to follow trends?
Why do you have to wear designer clothes?
Why are you so conscience of how you look?
Why are you so sure that love only refers to your significant other?
Why do you have the need to get attention?
What is attention? What will you benefit from it?
Why do you need all the material things in life?
What is your point in life?
Now ask yourself these questions.
I have come to a point where i'm sick and tired of how people see the world. From now on, i'm just gonna live my own way and keep my opinions to myself because the truth is, the word "Trust" have been senselessly used until it has lost it's meaning. And i bet about 90% of the questions i asked is true. Yeah, you might say no but the truth is, you're just too stubborn to admit it. People now have forgotten who they are and where they came from. They depend too much on the media and trying so hard to fit in with the society.
Why do you have the need to impress people?
Why do you have to need to change?
Why do our race and religion defines who we are?
Why do we judge?
Why are we so obsessed?
Why do you have to the need to become popular?
Why do you need so many friends?
Why are you afraid of living your life alone?
Why do you have the need to follow trends?
Why do you have to wear designer clothes?
Why are you so conscience of how you look?
Why are you so sure that love only refers to your significant other?
Why do you have the need to get attention?
What is attention? What will you benefit from it?
Why do you need all the material things in life?
What is your point in life?
Now ask yourself these questions.
I have come to a point where i'm sick and tired of how people see the world. From now on, i'm just gonna live my own way and keep my opinions to myself because the truth is, the word "Trust" have been senselessly used until it has lost it's meaning. And i bet about 90% of the questions i asked is true. Yeah, you might say no but the truth is, you're just too stubborn to admit it. People now have forgotten who they are and where they came from. They depend too much on the media and trying so hard to fit in with the society.
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Saturday, January 01, 2011
NY
Oh hai. I am here to rant again. It seems like all i do here is rant and complain. Oh wellzxz. My blog, my say.
Today's issue is the New Year. Well, i am sick and tired of people hoping that the new year would be better than the last. Every fucking year, i've had people saying, blogging or facebook-ing about it.
And when the time comes to celebrate the coming of the new year, i have people saying, "this year sucked! i hope the new year will be better!" or somewhere along the line. The problem with these people is because all they do is sit around and wait for a miracle to fall in front of their eyes. You can't just HOPE and expect everything to fall into place. Yes, i've seen people like these. All they do is whine and complain and expect everything to be perfect without putting any effort into it.
It's like asking for money from god and expecting it to fall right from the sky and into your hands in that instant. Wah, like that, everyday i will ask favor from god, or pray whenever i need something from Him. Which is bullshit. God can only show us the path to our needs, we, on the other hand, have to make the initiative and effort to reach for our goals. Same goes with our new year resolutions, no point listing down the things to achieve in the new year when all you do is sit around and wait - figuratively speaking.
Just cause it's already 1-1-11, it doesn't change a thing. People still treat you the same way they did on 31-12-10. The same people who have been stabbing you in the back is still stabbing you. I still feel the same as i did a few minutes ago. Today, everybody's wishing you a happy new year. By tomorrow, they're back to their same old routine. Am i right or am i right?!
New Year or not, it's YOU who make the change not the YEAR.
Today's issue is the New Year. Well, i am sick and tired of people hoping that the new year would be better than the last. Every fucking year, i've had people saying, blogging or facebook-ing about it.
And when the time comes to celebrate the coming of the new year, i have people saying, "this year sucked! i hope the new year will be better!" or somewhere along the line. The problem with these people is because all they do is sit around and wait for a miracle to fall in front of their eyes. You can't just HOPE and expect everything to fall into place. Yes, i've seen people like these. All they do is whine and complain and expect everything to be perfect without putting any effort into it.
It's like asking for money from god and expecting it to fall right from the sky and into your hands in that instant. Wah, like that, everyday i will ask favor from god, or pray whenever i need something from Him. Which is bullshit. God can only show us the path to our needs, we, on the other hand, have to make the initiative and effort to reach for our goals. Same goes with our new year resolutions, no point listing down the things to achieve in the new year when all you do is sit around and wait - figuratively speaking.
Just cause it's already 1-1-11, it doesn't change a thing. People still treat you the same way they did on 31-12-10. The same people who have been stabbing you in the back is still stabbing you. I still feel the same as i did a few minutes ago. Today, everybody's wishing you a happy new year. By tomorrow, they're back to their same old routine. Am i right or am i right?!
New Year or not, it's YOU who make the change not the YEAR.
Friday, December 24, 2010
For Real
Yesterday my mom told me that she bummed into one of her old friends. Let's call her BR. So apparently me, my mom and my brothers used to stay at BR's place. Back when my father kicked us out from our house.
Times were hard back then. We practically moved a lot because we had no where to live. And my mom had to work like 12 hours a day just to earn money for our school pocket money. I was in primary 4 then and my elder brother was just starting his first year in poly. So yeah, we moved a lot and we were practically broke. So finally we got a place to settle which is BR's place.
And you have no idea how much I hated staying there. To be honest, back then I was a slacker. In school, I am what people call 'slow'. I hated studying. I was lazy. One time, I even lied to my mother saying that I went to school, but I went to the theme park instead. Yes, I was that hardcore. Not that I am proud of myself.
But yeah, for some reason BR hated me and always treated me bad. She favored my younger brother more than me. I was always ganged up by them - she, her son and even my younger brother(sometimes). Sometimes, they won't let me eat until my mom came back from work. My brother got to watch tv while all i get to do was sit in the room all day and stare into space. They wouldn't even let me to go out after the whole theme park incident. Of course they always act nice to my mother.
They always discriminate me and treated me like shit. She even called me stupid and slow because according to her, her son was a fucking genius - he was in the EM1 stream. I was in EM2. Even till today, she have never asked about me. Whenever she met my mom, she always ask about my brother's wellbeing, never me. Not that I care.
But it's people like these that makes me who I am today. She discriminated and called me stupid, now look where I am. She thought her son was a fucking genius, turns out, he mixed and was influenced with the bad kids. I now stand taller than her son - education wise.
This is why I'm not giving up. I'm here to show people what I'm capable of. I'm gonna rub all of my success on you people's face. People who discriminate and look down on me. How do you like me now, bitch?!
Times were hard back then. We practically moved a lot because we had no where to live. And my mom had to work like 12 hours a day just to earn money for our school pocket money. I was in primary 4 then and my elder brother was just starting his first year in poly. So yeah, we moved a lot and we were practically broke. So finally we got a place to settle which is BR's place.
And you have no idea how much I hated staying there. To be honest, back then I was a slacker. In school, I am what people call 'slow'. I hated studying. I was lazy. One time, I even lied to my mother saying that I went to school, but I went to the theme park instead. Yes, I was that hardcore. Not that I am proud of myself.
But yeah, for some reason BR hated me and always treated me bad. She favored my younger brother more than me. I was always ganged up by them - she, her son and even my younger brother(sometimes). Sometimes, they won't let me eat until my mom came back from work. My brother got to watch tv while all i get to do was sit in the room all day and stare into space. They wouldn't even let me to go out after the whole theme park incident. Of course they always act nice to my mother.
They always discriminate me and treated me like shit. She even called me stupid and slow because according to her, her son was a fucking genius - he was in the EM1 stream. I was in EM2. Even till today, she have never asked about me. Whenever she met my mom, she always ask about my brother's wellbeing, never me. Not that I care.
But it's people like these that makes me who I am today. She discriminated and called me stupid, now look where I am. She thought her son was a fucking genius, turns out, he mixed and was influenced with the bad kids. I now stand taller than her son - education wise.
This is why I'm not giving up. I'm here to show people what I'm capable of. I'm gonna rub all of my success on you people's face. People who discriminate and look down on me. How do you like me now, bitch?!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The One With Exams And No Exams
Hi. I don't know if i should be happy with my results or not.
I'm just glad i passed. All the sleepless night. All the money spent. I'm just glad all my money and time didn't go to waste. But i'm worried about the upcoming semester.
The upcoming semester will be hell. 6 modules to be taken in a period of 5 blocks. And one of the module is our Project 1 which will take about 2 months/block. So that means, the remaining 5 modules will be cramped within 3 blocks. Hais... More sleepless nights and more holes in my pocket.
And i have an issue with people saying, "Pfft, Design school easy to score lah! No exam sial!" or somewhere along the lines. Let me get this straight, not having to take any exmas or test, doesn't mean we can get an easy A. Every fucking day we are graded based on our work. Every fucking interim we are graded. You produce shitty work, you get shitty grades. No matter how good you think your work is, there's always that motherfucking moderation process that will determine whether you pass or fail. Every fucking presentation, your work gets criticized and you have no choice but to stand by your work/ideas. And occasionally, your work ended up being ripped apart by your lecturer, the day before your submission, and you have to start all over again. And every fucking time you want to present your idea, no matter what, your idea have to have an impact. If not, well, your ideas go down the drain. And no matter how nice or perfect you construct your model, you can still fail if there's no purpose to your design. Almost everyday you have to stay in school till 11, some days till 12, just to get your work done. Do you have any idea how much pressure we have to go through prior to our submission day?! DO YOU?!
So what say you now? Still, want to argue with me about design school?! Yes, i am defending design school because you have no idea what we have to go through. So stop making assumptions if you have no firsthand experience. And come on, it's only the first semester.
Will you like it if i were to compare design school with the other schools? Will you like it if i were to say, "Haiya, exams and test easy to score, lah! When the day come, i can just memorize my notes. Now i can slack." No, you don't like it, right?! So?! Use your fucking brains and stop bullshitting, can?!
Hais... Why ah, these kind of people exist?!
GROW THE FUCK UP
I'm just glad i passed. All the sleepless night. All the money spent. I'm just glad all my money and time didn't go to waste. But i'm worried about the upcoming semester.
The upcoming semester will be hell. 6 modules to be taken in a period of 5 blocks. And one of the module is our Project 1 which will take about 2 months/block. So that means, the remaining 5 modules will be cramped within 3 blocks. Hais... More sleepless nights and more holes in my pocket.
And i have an issue with people saying, "Pfft, Design school easy to score lah! No exam sial!" or somewhere along the lines. Let me get this straight, not having to take any exmas or test, doesn't mean we can get an easy A. Every fucking day we are graded based on our work. Every fucking interim we are graded. You produce shitty work, you get shitty grades. No matter how good you think your work is, there's always that motherfucking moderation process that will determine whether you pass or fail. Every fucking presentation, your work gets criticized and you have no choice but to stand by your work/ideas. And occasionally, your work ended up being ripped apart by your lecturer, the day before your submission, and you have to start all over again. And every fucking time you want to present your idea, no matter what, your idea have to have an impact. If not, well, your ideas go down the drain. And no matter how nice or perfect you construct your model, you can still fail if there's no purpose to your design. Almost everyday you have to stay in school till 11, some days till 12, just to get your work done. Do you have any idea how much pressure we have to go through prior to our submission day?! DO YOU?!
So what say you now? Still, want to argue with me about design school?! Yes, i am defending design school because you have no idea what we have to go through. So stop making assumptions if you have no firsthand experience. And come on, it's only the first semester.
Will you like it if i were to compare design school with the other schools? Will you like it if i were to say, "Haiya, exams and test easy to score, lah! When the day come, i can just memorize my notes. Now i can slack." No, you don't like it, right?! So?! Use your fucking brains and stop bullshitting, can?!
Hais... Why ah, these kind of people exist?!
GROW THE FUCK UP
Saturday, September 11, 2010
The One With Raya and Birthdays and Facebook.
Hi. Selamat hari raya to all my friends and family and whoever is reading this.
You know me, i hate wishing people by text because well, i'm just plain lazy. I'm just not the 'wishing' kinda person. That's why i tend not to remember peoples' birthday unless it's easy to remember. For exmaple, the one with birthdays once every 4 years. Heh. So... If your birthday ever do come up and i'm not of them wishers, it's not because i forgot who you are, it's because i really don't know it's your birthday. And don't give me the whole Facebook bullshit. I know i get birthday reminders, it's just that i bother to log in to Facebook anymore. Only when there's updates on events from my EVD friends. 'Cause that's the only mean of communication i have whenever i'm not in school. And again, i don't bother to get their numbers because, well, i'm just that plain lazy.
Wah, i'm suppose to blog about Raya but here i am talking about Facebook. Nevermind hor? K, moving on, one of the reasons why i don't bother to log in to Facebook is because, every single fucking day i get depressing love quotes lah, love messages lah, heartbroken messages lah on my News Feed. True story: I got this one friend who literally post "i love you" messages EVERYDAY to HER girlfriend. You heard me, her girlfriend. Wah, if i'm ever her girlfriend i'd stuff a tikos mondok in her mouth. What's tikos mondok in english ah? It's one of those very fat and huge hamster/mouse. I'm not sure if it's the guinea pig. No, better yet, a fucking pig! Do you have any fucking idea how fucking annoying is it or not?! Fucked up sia! And every fucking day i got 300+ News Feed to read, and about 30% of it are those fucking annoying game updates. Farmville lah, Fishville lah, Cityville lah, whatever ville there is ah. FUCKING ANNOYING! STOP ASKING ME FOR MEAT OR EGGS OR CHICKEN CAN?! I don't play those fucking games. Hmm.. What else?
Oh, when people chat on each other's wall like it's fucking MSN. Hais... What's wrong with these people ah? You're fucking flooding my News Feed with your bullshit between you and your friend. What's the point of MSN? No wait, WHAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF HAVING THAT DAMN CHAT FEATURE ON THE BOTTOM RIGHT HAND CORNER OF YOUR FUCKING SCREEN?! Oh, and girls taking pictures like zaman Friendster. You know what i mean if you know i mean, you know what i mean?
Hais... What wrong with these people ah? Or is it just me? Told you sometimes i feel like i don't fit in with everybody else in this world.
Oh, and Selamat Hari Raya, again.
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